Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

"It takes a fierce devotion to grow old well. It takes a fierce devotion to the word goodbye - learning how to say it in many ways - fiercely, yes, but also gently, with laughter, with tears, but, no matter how, to say it every time so that there's no doubt you mean it. When you're pushing 60, the rest of your life is about saying goodbye. Your greatest work may yet be demanded of you (though odds are against that). You may find more true love, meet new good friends, and there's always beauty (if you have an eye for it), and fun (if you have the spirit) - still, no matter what, slowly, you must say goodbye, a little bit every day to everything." (Michael Ventura, Across the Great Divide)

Today is Friday. I leave for Costa Rica next Tuesday. When I made my first trip to Costa Rica in early April, the goodbyes were easy enough - I would be back in a couple of weeks and my day-to-day life and connections would go on as before. There is something much more poignant and lonely in the goodbyes I am saying now. I am saying goodbye to some people knowing that our ties are too tenuous to survive the challenges of distance and time . I am saying goodbye to others, family and friends, feeling assured that our deeper connection will be enduring. But it is goodbye none the less.

I cannot say how deeply I was touched by the timely visits of my friend, Ethel, and my sister, Elaine, who came to see me in order to say goodbye. My niece Colleen's phone call was so appreciated. My telephone chat with my niece, Laverne, was also a treat. My friends, Deb and Book, have supported me by taking care of my little dog, Zoe. My Prince George friends, Jay, Lana and Jeanettte, Marie and Phil, and my brothers Roy, Doug, and Allen have sent e-mails to wish me well. My friend and housemate, Fran, has encouraged and supported my decision, and has patiently endured the inevitable disarray caused by my move. She has also offered to drive me to the airport. I am so looking forward to seeing my son, Jeremy, in San Jose, as I make my way to Puerto Viejo and he returns to Canada. It is reassuring that my nephew, Colin, and his partner, Roberto, and a few new acquaintances are awaiting my arrival in Puerto Viejo.

I am very aware that I am 65 years old, and that most women my age are settling in where they're at, not uprooting themselves to move to a faraway developing country in search of that elusive and, perhaps, illusive new chapter in the books of their lives.

The choices I have made throughout my life have always seemed to be for "the road less taken". I have had some very unique experiences that have brought me untold joys and insights and pain, but at the cost of more homely experiences which give one roots and ties. Still, no regrets. I have found my self, as well as a few kindred spirits, somewhere along the lonely path that I have taken.

But enough of this reflection. I promise that my future posts will have lots of inforrmative and interesting details about the sights and scenes and people of Costa Rica.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

After a While

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure,
that you really are strong
and you really do have worth
and you learn and you learn

With every goodbye you learn.

(by Veronica Shoffstall)

Fore words on Moving Forward

By now, you have all heard about my plan to go to Costa Rica for an undetermined amount of time. Thank you for your support of my decision and your best wishes for my journey.

Coinciding with the physical journey, it seems to me that I am experiencing an inner journey in which I am exploring and evaluating my values, my beliefs, my attitudes towards my own aging and mortality, my philosophy of life, my connections.

I am leaving behind an established home and most of my possessions. This process has taken a considerable amount of thought, time, energy and organization. It has also given me the opportunity to reconsider what is important to me. In so doing, I have realized that physical, tangible possessions do give me a sense of security and groundedness, and letting go of these possessions has, on the one hand, left me feeling rootless and roofless, On the other hand, this dispossession has released me, so that I can make my journeys with a sense of inner peace and freedom.

I have also come to realize the ultimate importance of family and friends. We have agreed to keep in touch, and I am assured that those of us who have met, touched and shared on a deeper level will never be that far apart, thanks to modern technology and to a spiritual connection that time and space will not diminish.

Since I was a child, I have written about the significant events in my life journey, recording the insights I have gleaned through my own experience of living or from the words of wise people who have been willing to share with others what they have learned about life. But, for the most part, my writing has been for me alone. I have always felt quite inhibited about allowing others to read about my thoughts and experiences, doubting the quality of my expression, the depth and meaningfulness of my experiences, and the reactions of others to my revelations. At this point in time, sharing my writing has become imperative. Goodbye to my inhibition. Hello to my blog.

Thus, this blog will have two purposes. First, it will serve as a medium for interacting with the important people in my life and sharing some of the more significant people, places and events I will experience during my time in Costa Rica. Second, and equally important, it will be a means of satisfying my own need to document the milestones and pivotal moments of my inner journey in a readable and durable format. My writing and pics will be interspersed with notable quotes and words of wisdoms from other people who have documented their own journeys.

I welcome your comments, queries, and reflections in return.


“A wise man once said nothing.” (Words on a billboard)

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one you in all of time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channels open…. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open…. No artist is pleased…. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time…. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive. Whether you choose to take an art class, keep a journal, record your dreams, dance your story or give each day from your own creative source, above all else, keep the channel open.” (Martha Graham to her student Agnes de Mille recorded in de Milles’ memoir, Dance to the Piper)

“If one never followed the call of the spirit or ventured into new worlds, how tiresome a place this would be. It is in the nature of the human to move on, to experiment, to look at the horizon, and wonder what lies beyond it.” (Barbara Wood. Green City in the Sun)