Your children are not your children.They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. (Kahlil Gibran)
Twenty-three years ago, when my partner and I decided to have a child, I knew my life would not/could not go on as before. Being gay parents, a quarter of a century ago, was more of a challenge, for both parents and children, than it is today in these somewhat more open and accepting times. There were many hard times when we were faced with homophobic reactions and behavior because of our lifestyle. At times we experienced fear and uncertainty as a result of our own internalized homophobia. Our son had these experiences as well.
Although I was not the biological parent of our son, loving and raising and caring for this child has made me a parent in all other senses of the word. I have learned so much from being a parent; my son has taught me so much about life, about love, about selflessness, about courage – lessons I might never have learned without him. It is my hope and expectation that he has learned such lessons from me as well.
I am also learning that parenthood does not stop once s child becomes an adult. It was a heartbreaking time for both of us when I left Prince George. I had to recognize that my son was now an adult and it was time for us to go our separate ways. He had his own life ahead of him and I had the rest of my life ahead of me. But the bond remains as strong as ever.
Today, I received a card from my son that touched my very soul. When I saw how he was able to think and feel and express love and tenderness and gratitude, I knew that we, his parents, had raised a beautiful soul. He wrote:
Thank you.
Thank you for being there when I was sad.
Thank you for raising me who I am.
Thank you for teaching me.
Thank you for trusting me.
Thank you for everything you bought, gave and fed me.
Thank you for respecting me and my space.
Thank you for empowering me.
But most of all thank you for loving me.
It always makes me smile when you call and leave a sweet message.
And, although I don’t return them right away,
Know that I love you very much and think about you always.
Love. Your son.
